From the Department of Irreparable Damage

The 8-year-old comes from school today and says, "We were playing zombies on the playground and I bit three kids. So only Patrick is left."

On the upside, I don't think he LITERALLY bit them....

Why You Should Read Ta-Nehisi Coates

Since the election ended and I could quit obsessing about the real world to the degree to which I had obsessed about it before, I cut down my blog consumption markedly. There are only a few I still keep up with on a daily basis. Here's one reason why I check in with Ta-Nehisi most days.

Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch

The current GOP is like a bottomless clown car. Just when you think, "There can't possibley be any more clowns in there!" another one stumbles out of the door.

There have in the past been Republicans that I admired, who I thought were decent people, who had convictions that, while I didn't agree with them, were at least in some way defensible or well-reasoned. Hell, the S/O is Republican, and I haven't killed him -- yet. Of course, it helps that he's cute.

But, seriously, GOP, this is tiresome. While I may not agree with everything the current administration is doing, they are smart, capable and doing their damnedest to pull us out of the tailspin. We tried your way, and it didn't work. So now we try another way and pray that it does. You say "government is the problem" but the truth is "Republican government is the problem." We gave you the keys to the bus, and you promptly got drunk, set fire to the bus, and drove it off a cliff into a ravine filled with radioactive zombies. We're just trying to claw our way back out before they eat what's left of our brains.

So, GOP, come up with some new ideas -- and not the same old ideas repackaged in a shiny "off-the-hook" wrapper -- but until you do, STFU and take your big bucket of fail with you.

Haps in the Whedonverse

I watched the first half of Dollhouse with the little voice in my head repeating the mantra "Please don't suck, please don't suck, please don't suck." The first half was dicey -- not horrible, but being a big uber-nerd Buffy-phile can open you up to a world of dissapointment. The second half picked up, and there was a line in there, you know the feeling if you're a writer, where you go, "Damn, I wish I had written that." The second half was good, not Angel season five good -- and sorry, for me, Angel season five is the apex of TV -- and not "Graduation Day" or "The Body" good, but good nonetheless. So here's to high hopes that when I can get close to the DVR the series builds on that. Don't break my heart, Whedon.

And becasue TNT reruns Angel at 6:00 in morning, I happened to catch a few episodes this week. "A Hole in the World" still stands out to me as one of my favorite episodes of TV ever, and "Underneath" was good too. Sigh. If there was a cable network that only contained the compiled works of Joss Whedon, Tim Minear, Bryan Fuller, Russell T. Davies and the tragically lone season of Now and Again, I would never get up from in the front of the TV again.

Time, She Does Fly

Yikes - so much for my internal mental promise to write everyday. Of course, said promise might be easier to keep if everyone who shares my house wasn't earnestly trying to liquify my brain. And too much work -- not the good kind that is fulfilling and leads somewhere, but the other kind, the one that pays for the macaroni and cheese and the cap & gown fees and the college applications and the kitty litter. Which of those is most important? Ask Spike - although to the list including kitty litter he would add, "And unlimited cream cheese, and not the stupid bars, but the fancy whipped stuff."

What else? I managed to read a short story. Not write one, mind you, but read one. In the bathtub, in between the cat opening the door -- no doubt looking for cream cheese -- and the 3-year-old following the cat in, asking why I didn't have more toys in the bathtub. You know what I miss? (other than being able to take a 10 minute bath unaccosted) I miss short stories. Why when I was a kid you could go down to Duckwalls and buy a paperback copy of Year's Best Horror Stories off the spinning rack by the cash register for a buck. It was literally like $1.65. Man, I loved those things. The lack of speculative fiction anthologies readily available in any local shop is a sure sign of the decline of civilization.

I am working on a story. I even have the beginning and ending all typed up, but the middle still resides inside my head. I know it all, I even review and revise while I'm chauffering or moving laundry from the washer to the dryer or trying to scrub the spilled maraschino cherry juice off the shelves of the fridge. I just can't seem to sit down in the quiet and finish it off. Maybe becasue there is no quiet, or if there is, it's the dark and lonely hours of the night when I'm too tired or still working to buy that cream cheese. I've been trying to convince myself that I really don't need the 3.25 hours of sleep I'm currently getting a day, but the body rebels.

Anyway, that's my goal for this month, small and timid as it may be, finish that story. We'll see.

Shameless Plug for a Good Cause

If you liked Beck's "Leopard-Skin Pillbox Hat" from the Oscar telecast, the album it's on is available as of February 24 from Amazon and proceeds go to War Child, a charity that assists children in war-torn areas. The tracks featured are from legendary artists choosing new artists to cover their songs.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001PCNZDQ?ie=UTF8&tag=thsmofasfl-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B001PCNZDQ

Track Listings
1. Beck (Bob Dylan - "Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat")
2. The Kooks (The Kinks - "Victoria")
3. The Hold Steady (Bruce Springsteen - "Atlantic City")
4. Hot Chip (Joy Division - "Transmission")
5. Lily Allen feat. Mick Jones (The Clash - "Straight To Hell")
6. Yeah Yeah Yeahs (The Ramones - "Sheena Is A Punk Rocker")
7. Franz Ferdinand (Blondie - "Call Me")
8. Duffy (Paul McCartney - "Live And Let Die")
9. Estelle (Stevie Wonder - "Superstition")
10. Rufus Wainwright (Brian Wilson -" Wonderful & Song For Children")
11. Scissor Sisters (Roxy Music - "Do The Strand")
12. Peaches (Iggy Pop - "Search And Destroy")
13. Adam Cohen (Leonard Cohen - "Take This Waltz")
14. Elbow (U2 - "Running To Stand Still")
15. The Like (Elvis Costello - "You Belong To Me")
16. TV On The Radio (David Bowie - "Heroes")

Random Oscar Thoughts

In deference to the recession, first let me say the Oscar noshes this year were toned down: deli sandwiches, generic chips, deviled eggs. But I did bake a nifty cake: triple chocolate chunk 4-layer torte with hazelnut/chocolate filling and faux buttercream. Cooking tip I just invented: to make faux buttercream take a container of prepared milk chocolate frosting, whip up two cups of whipping cream with nothing added, and fold together. Tastes remarkabely like German buttercream without the agony of actually making German buttercream.

As for the show, it was the best-produced Oscars I can remember. It was funny, with very few clinkers, moved along well, and there were no cringeworthy moments. This made up somewhat for the lackluster slate of nominees.

Random impressions in no particular order:

The opening bit was swell, Hugh Jackman was hilarious, Anne Hathaway was charming.

I liked the format where they had five winners highlight the nominees. And let me say I hope I age as well as Eva Marie Saint, Goldie Hawn or Sophia Loren. Seriously, don't fuck with Sophia Loren, she looks like she will not be amused with your bullshit and will summarily kick your ass. Also let me say that whatever Javiar Bardem is made of, they should bottle it and sell it on every street corner.

Ben Stiller was funny, but not as funny as the bit with James Franco and Seth Rogan. And even Franco and Rogan were upstaged by cinematographer Janusz Kaminski. Will he be in Pineapple Express 2? Of course now I have to convince the kids it's NOT funny to staple things to your face.

Kate Winslett finally won an Oscar, blah, blah, blah. At least it wasn't Meryl Streep. If Meryl Streep had won, I think I would have died a little inside. Melissa Leo, you were robbed.

Was Philip Seymore Hoffman planning on knocking over a gas station later in the evening? Did he have a contagious scalp condition? WTF?

It was worth it for "La Maison en Petite Cubes" to win best animated short film just to hear the winner end his acceptance speech with "Domo Origato, Mr. Roboto." Yes, I am 12.

Personal disappointment of the night: the fact that In Bruges did not win best original screenplay. That was a brilliant, brilliant film and a kick-ass screenplay. I would say that was the best film I saw in 2008.

Dear Academy: putting whoever it was from Mamma Mia and whoever it was from High School Musical in a musical production number will not make the kids think you are cool. Stop it.

Did Philip Seymore Hoffman do Reese Witherspoon's hair?

Really, Sean Penn? I would have picked Best Actor in this order: Mickey Rourke, Frank Langella, Richard Jenkins, Brad Pitt, anybody but Sean Penn, Sean Penn. I have the same problem with Sean Penn that I have with Jack Nicholson and Tom Cruise. I never see any of them as a character, just as themselves. And when I see any of them I get a sharp shooting pain in my head. Therefore I can never watch a movie that features Sean Penn, Jack Nicholson or Tom Cruise. I take that back. "Fast Times at Ridgemont High." But that's it. If I saw a movie starring Sean Penn, Jack Nicholson and Tom Cruise, I would spontaneously combust.

Why is the TCM Dead People Montage always better than the Oscar Dead People Montage? And I'm pretty sure they missed some dead people. Goodbye, Paul Newman. You were a class act.

Heath Ledger's family did a fine job in memorializing him. I felt as teary-eyed as Kate Winslett. Here's to what could have been.

I was hypnotized by the best film montage and how they put each nominated film in the context of other films. Bravo. Took the least interesting category of the awards this year and made it worth watching.

Finally for anybody who stuck around for the credits -- and if you don't stick around for the credits you are a bad, bad person -- I am really psyched about both Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes starring Robert Downey, Jr. and Quentin Tarantino's Inglorious Bastards, starring everybody else. And now I really, really must download the song "Leopard Skin Pillbox Hat."