Random Oscar Thoughts

In deference to the recession, first let me say the Oscar noshes this year were toned down: deli sandwiches, generic chips, deviled eggs. But I did bake a nifty cake: triple chocolate chunk 4-layer torte with hazelnut/chocolate filling and faux buttercream. Cooking tip I just invented: to make faux buttercream take a container of prepared milk chocolate frosting, whip up two cups of whipping cream with nothing added, and fold together. Tastes remarkabely like German buttercream without the agony of actually making German buttercream.

As for the show, it was the best-produced Oscars I can remember. It was funny, with very few clinkers, moved along well, and there were no cringeworthy moments. This made up somewhat for the lackluster slate of nominees.

Random impressions in no particular order:

The opening bit was swell, Hugh Jackman was hilarious, Anne Hathaway was charming.

I liked the format where they had five winners highlight the nominees. And let me say I hope I age as well as Eva Marie Saint, Goldie Hawn or Sophia Loren. Seriously, don't fuck with Sophia Loren, she looks like she will not be amused with your bullshit and will summarily kick your ass. Also let me say that whatever Javiar Bardem is made of, they should bottle it and sell it on every street corner.

Ben Stiller was funny, but not as funny as the bit with James Franco and Seth Rogan. And even Franco and Rogan were upstaged by cinematographer Janusz Kaminski. Will he be in Pineapple Express 2? Of course now I have to convince the kids it's NOT funny to staple things to your face.

Kate Winslett finally won an Oscar, blah, blah, blah. At least it wasn't Meryl Streep. If Meryl Streep had won, I think I would have died a little inside. Melissa Leo, you were robbed.

Was Philip Seymore Hoffman planning on knocking over a gas station later in the evening? Did he have a contagious scalp condition? WTF?

It was worth it for "La Maison en Petite Cubes" to win best animated short film just to hear the winner end his acceptance speech with "Domo Origato, Mr. Roboto." Yes, I am 12.

Personal disappointment of the night: the fact that In Bruges did not win best original screenplay. That was a brilliant, brilliant film and a kick-ass screenplay. I would say that was the best film I saw in 2008.

Dear Academy: putting whoever it was from Mamma Mia and whoever it was from High School Musical in a musical production number will not make the kids think you are cool. Stop it.

Did Philip Seymore Hoffman do Reese Witherspoon's hair?

Really, Sean Penn? I would have picked Best Actor in this order: Mickey Rourke, Frank Langella, Richard Jenkins, Brad Pitt, anybody but Sean Penn, Sean Penn. I have the same problem with Sean Penn that I have with Jack Nicholson and Tom Cruise. I never see any of them as a character, just as themselves. And when I see any of them I get a sharp shooting pain in my head. Therefore I can never watch a movie that features Sean Penn, Jack Nicholson or Tom Cruise. I take that back. "Fast Times at Ridgemont High." But that's it. If I saw a movie starring Sean Penn, Jack Nicholson and Tom Cruise, I would spontaneously combust.

Why is the TCM Dead People Montage always better than the Oscar Dead People Montage? And I'm pretty sure they missed some dead people. Goodbye, Paul Newman. You were a class act.

Heath Ledger's family did a fine job in memorializing him. I felt as teary-eyed as Kate Winslett. Here's to what could have been.

I was hypnotized by the best film montage and how they put each nominated film in the context of other films. Bravo. Took the least interesting category of the awards this year and made it worth watching.

Finally for anybody who stuck around for the credits -- and if you don't stick around for the credits you are a bad, bad person -- I am really psyched about both Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes starring Robert Downey, Jr. and Quentin Tarantino's Inglorious Bastards, starring everybody else. And now I really, really must download the song "Leopard Skin Pillbox Hat."