Monday, August 4, 2014

Long Dark Teatime of the Soul, Redux

So, I've been gone a while. I mean really gone for a really long while. Things, as they are wont to do, have changed. My life has undergone a catastrophic upheaval (preceded by a limbo period where I apparently became someone I shouldn't ever have been.) But out of the blue the other day an old friend, a very dear friend and one of the finest, most honorable people I've ever known, called me (totally unaware of said catastrophic event) just to tell me something he forgot to tell me 30-odd years ago.

And when he learned of the catastrophic event (and I really feel like it should have some signifier of import but I can't think of a title that really does it justice yet), he told me something very simple. He said, "That's not who you are. You forgot who you are, but that's definitely not who you are."   And, like that, the light switch that had been flipped off a couple of weeks earlier, leaving me in a pitch black room that was totally unfamiliar and full of potentially deadly things, flipped back on. Sure, the light isn't very bright yet and I can't see the corners, but sometimes those things take a little while to warm up. I have to believe that the light will get brighter, and that eventually I will find my way out of that dark room. Maybe it'll take a special key I don't know I have yet, or maybe I'll just have to take an ax and hack my way out, but I will find a way out.

And so I'm going to start blogging again. Why? Because I have too many words, always too many words, and they need to go somewhere. And it doesn't matter that much if people read all of them -- although I'm somewhat amazed that this blog still has regular visitors, years after I last posted -- but it matters to me that I put those words somewhere. That's something that keeps me healthy and keeps me sharp. And maybe I'll occasionally write something that someone finds funny, or true, or makes someone feel some emotion they need to feel. For me, it's another way of moving forward and keeping the gremlins in the garret from getting too restless and turning on the landlord.

See, I feel better already.

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